Damian,
I have been missing you so much. I never seem to stop missing you. Its been so rough with your 'Adada' gone. He ended up having to go back to the job he had while you were alive. I haven't been able to sleep much. Everytime I close my eyes and your dada isn't home I get flashbacks of the horrible nightmare that was real of your accident. I generaly wake up when I hear you cry in my nightmares of flashbacks. Whats scarey about it is I do wake up and I realize it really did happen. You're really gone.
I have never felt so empty in my life...nor so lonely. Sometimes I get scared. Will life always feel this empty and lonely? When I imagine life this way forever it makes me so sad that it takes all I have to keep from crying. I have gotten better at not crying though...
Your dada was supposed to be home tonight but his truck broke down the other day and he has to stay down in Oklahoma for days now. I don't know if I will even see him this week. You used to get so upset when that kind of thing would happen before. You always knew when he should have been home but wasn't. I am finding it difficult not to cry too when it comes to that. Everything is so empty in this house with just me here that today it has felt like its going to cave in on me.
Someone at the store asked what happend to you today. I walked to the dollar store down the block to get some rice and the lady that used to talk to you wanted to know what happend. I ended up going numb and told her what happend and how and the whole thing played again through my mind. It wasn't difficult. I seem to go numb when I tell people what happend and it always hits me hard later. On the way home the numbness faded, then when I got home I got cold and my stomach started turning, then I got shakey, then I got really sick to my stomach and I started shivering more. Now everything just feels meaningless and empty. I wish your dada were at least here. I need someone around me so badly when I get like this but the only person I have is your dada and he's out in the truck for who knows how long...its always so unpredictable with that company. I wish I had the comfort of knowing when he'd be here. I wish you were still here...and I wish I wasn't so lonely
I miss you Damian and I always will miss you. I'll always love you as well
love,
your Mamum
No matter what happens angie im always here to listen to u. I know u miss him so much! He loves you and always will. You were his Mamum and always will be. If u need to talk don't be afraid to call!!
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