Damian,
yesterday was difficult for me. I could barely function and it didn't even help to try to get out of the house. I just mourned you so badly that I even felt chest pain. Last night was even more difficult. I started choking back tears if I went somewhere and when I finaly just got to the car I cried, then came home and cried for longer. When I looked back on the memories of you and your big smiles and all your squeels of joy and dances it hurt worse. I'm greedy, I want more of those smiles. You smiled every day of your life but it wasn't enough. Will I ever be able to go through a day with no tears? I finaly was able to stop crying this morning but the pain still lingers. I want your happiness in my home!
I made your cocoa oat cookies which was difficult and they don't taste as good without you snagging them off of the counter going "haha HA" with your little pointy tongue sticking out between smiling lips. You knew how to make me laugh and god knows you know how to make me cry rivers. I can't live with all this quiet forever. I miss your chaotic tossing of toys and trying to run off with my computer mouse, stealing my soda bottle from right beside me and the Damian dance.
There are times it feels like my life ended the day of the accident and then there I times I wish this pain would just kill me and be the end of all this pain. I'm not sure how people think that you experienced more pain than I ever will because this pain doesn't end. I know you don't hurt anymore but this pain is hard and lingering and doesn't ever fully go away. I guess its good that the pain remains with me. I would rather feel all the pain if it has to be this way. If there is no other choice but me going on without your happiness in my life then I will live with all the pain.
Still loving, missing and needing you with me
Your Mamum
It will get easier one day!! Be strong lady!!
ReplyDelete-R.I.P little Damian-
whoever said that he was in horrible pain was thinking with their head up their behind!the doctors kept him very comfortable angie,with very strong meds!i hope you can get that part of it out of your head,you have enough pain ,without somebody else adding to it!i think of you often,and i hope you take care of yourself!
ReplyDeleteYou write so beautifully, Ang. Keep doing whatever helps you deal with your terrible loss. Please let me know, if there are any more certain pics., that you would like me to get copies of, for you. I love you!!!!
ReplyDelete