Damian,
Another day has gone by without you. I didn't do much yesterday and the only thing that stood out to distinguish yesterday from today is I went to your favorite resteraunt. It helps me stay alive to get out of this apartment so I will sit somewhere for hours...doesn't even really matter where just not here. I dreaded comming home of course because I know you aren't here. I did enjoy sitting in the tub I used to bath you in and sent my thoughts to you about missing you. I will never stop missing you.
I nosed around youtube a little bit and was expecting to see situations similar to yours in some sense when I typed in loss of a toddler and toddler death. I expected to see these families mourning the loss of all the joy they had in life because thats how I have felt. I was wrong about what I would find. I found these news clips instantly about mothers that leave their babies in buildings to fend for themselves against fires and mothers that put their babies in ovens and throw them off of overpasses. Some of these babies live knowing their mother tried to harm them. I cried. How could anyone do those things to their joy in life? I could never relate to those mothers. I felt guilty for turning my back to do something and you pulled the pot of water down and I tried everything to save you, how could these women purposely do things to harm their toddlers? I don't even want to understand it. I guess I got a bit of peace knowing that I held you after the accident trying to help you, holding you so the doctors could help you and the last thing you saw was me crying in fear of you being hurt and fear of you being taken away from me in any way. The last words you heard were that I was sorry for turning my back and that I loved you so much. I guess at least you knew that I didn't want you hurting and I feared losing you and that I love you.
Always love and miss you
Your Mamum
i'll never understand why people are so evil either and why anyone would harm a child i see all kinds of things on the news and on the internet and it just doesnt make since why women who dont need children get children and the ones that strive so long to have children that would be good mothers have a very hard time. Damian loves you so much and he went in peace of knowing that you love him and he knows your sorry {{everyone knows your sorry}} try and continue to stay strong just take one day at a time and just breathe. your in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings during such a painful time with all of us. I hope that any other parents that experience tragedy find comfort in your posts. I did locate a few resources for you. There is a chapter of the compassionate friends, a support group for parents who have lost a child.
ReplyDeletePort Clinton:
Chapter Name: TCF of Ottawa County
roseann@cros.net
(419) 308-4690
Roseann
Meeting Info: 1st Monday of each month 7:30 pm
Meeting Address: Peace Lutheran Church,
900 S Jefferson, Port Clinton, OH 43452
Or there are online support groups too:
http://www.cafemom.com/group/239/
This group has over 1200 members, so you will find plenty
of other people to talk to that understand what you're going through.
I wish I could offer more than just a "I'm sorry for your loss" I have children too and I can't imagine how badly you hurt. I know you must be overwhelmed with all of the messages, outpouring of support, and offers to help.
I guess we all feel powerless and only want to do something, anything to help you through this.
Also, I am a cousin of Dava's in cause you are wondering where I found your story at. Not only did I hear about it through her page, but I have other family in the area that isn't related to that side of my family that I saw postings for prayers about. I shared Damian's picture on my own page to show everyone what he looked like, and then saw it being shared on other pages after that. He was such a gorgeous young boy. I hope you continue to write down your memories of him, as memories fade but print does not.