Damian,
its been awhile since I've written you. As you know, I haven't forgotten you..I still talk to you often in voice. Your baby brother was born June 30th at 9 lbs 8.9 oz. He was a big boy just like you.
I had forgotten almost what its like having a newborn in the house. Tonight is my first night alone with him and I'm scared. Last time I was alone with my baby boy, it was you and you had the accident. I can't lose another son and I'm half scared to death that just breathing near him almost will be bad for him. I know its silly of me but hopefully it will get better in time.
I was afraid at first that he would be like your twin and I would have a hard time because I would automatically expect him to be like you and it wouldn't be fair to him...but I found out quickly that he's nothing like you. I miss you but I don't want to set his expectations to what you were. I want your brother to live his own life and to enjoy being him, not trying to be someone else. That and nobody can replace you...ever. Its impossible.
I haven't been able to help but miss you all the more with your brother here. You should be here enjoying being a big brother and adjusting to the new baby here too. You should have met him June 30th before the rest of everyone and been happy to greet him and touch his hair. Its just not fair that you aren't here and you aren't comming back. I think it sets in more and more each day that you aren't comming back though I know you've been dead for 1 year and 7 months now. I was thinking about it the other day and you've almost been gone for the same amount of time I had you...its getting close. Your memory will last my whole life I know. I still love you my Damian and I still miss you and cry for you daily. I still need you in my life and its still not fair you can't be here with me. Just know nobody can replace you and there is still a huge missing you spot in our home and hearts.
Love always
your mamum
